Monday Musing 10/26/09- What are you afraid of?

"Decide you want it more than you are afraid of it."- Bill Cosby

I can think of at least 3 things that I am afraid of right off the top of my head. What I can't think of is a time when I allowed fear to stop me. I'm the type that would hate to think "What if?" That would drive me crazy. So I let the fear and anxiety that I have drive me to complete the task or goal at hand.

Some of us let fear take over our lives. We let fear get us off track by making up obstacles and tasks to do that get in the way of where we envision ourselves in life. We make excuses for the reason why we didn't do something. When you formulate those excuses, you've spent time talking yourself out of doing something you've had your heart set on doing. Then that excuse permeates all parts of your life and you truly start to believe that "lie" that you told yourself or that excuse you made up is real because you have to stick by it to justify why you let your fear stop you from trying.

What is fear? It makes us realize our inadequacies, our shortcomings. Fear of failure. Fear that maybe you will do it right and people will develop expectations that you are not sure you can live up to. Fear that you may actually be as good as you envisioned yourself.

The solution? Put desire above your fears. How badly do you want to obtain that goal? Is the desire to accomplish it stronger than your fear? For some it is not.

Are you the person that continually makes excuses for the reason that you can't accomplish your goals or get ahead in life?

Or

Are you the person who allows their desire to push you ahead and overcome that fear so that you can achieve?

It's up to you.

Monday Musing 8/17-20/09 Life goes on

About a week ago, we received news from Baltimore that one of my sister’s close friends had passed away. She’d been fighting sickness, started work, and was a young mother, only to have her life taken away by someone who’d stolen a car and in attempts to get away from the police, hit her head on while she was driving.

It pissed me off. My sister had just spent the day with her that Sunday and her friend passed Thursday. It hurt and I couldn’t understand why it would happen. My husband said we won’t understand it so there’s no need in asking. What we have to do is know that it happened, God doesn’t make mistakes, and learn how to keep living.

He was right. Time doesn’t stop. We have to just adjust to what life will be like after a loss and learn how to keep life moving. It was just a reminder for me that I need to enjoy each day with my loved ones, live with no regrets, and enjoy myself and my life. I won’t live with “What ifs”, I won’t deal with anyone else’s drama, I will do my best to help others, and I’ll walk the path that God has made for me.

Peace and Blessings,

Tamara

www.eventsbyespeciallyyours.com

Monday Musing 7/27-30/09 Action vs Reaction

If you watch the Animal Planet tv shows, you will see animals hunting and when they do, they wait patiently to make their moves. Sometimes they wait, watching cautiously for hours until it is the right time to strike. And when they do strike, sometimes they are outwitted by their prey, but they look for other opportunities to get their dinner.

We should take a page out of their book. Sometimes we act impulsively or have the urge to do so because we are reacting off of emotions. But what if we sat for a second, stood back, and really observed the situation? Would we still react the way we would have initially or would we make different decisions because we watched and waited?

Chances are, we would react differently. There are times that we have to let things play out before we jump in head first. When you do so, you are less likely to make a move that you will regret or wish you had done differently.

Your challenge for the week is to sit, wait, and observe- then act. See how doing so may make the difference for you.

Peace and Blessings,

Tamara
www.tamaragrant.blogspot.com

Monday Musing 7/6-10/09 Keeping it Real

I’ve had the fortune to become good friends with a woman who never fails to make sure that I see things for what they really are and for who I really am. Sometimes you think you know a lot about yourself, then someone else points things out for you.

I feel like I’m always a work in process. When I write these musings, I do them not to give advice to others on how to live, but because the topic is usually something that I’m working on myself.

So when she told me point blank “You know what your problem is? You have no tolerance,” I knew that I might need to take a look at myself.
I realized that she was absolutely right. I don’t have any tolerance. I like things the way that I like them and when they don’t go that way fast enough, I hurry to get them done. But that gives no regards to anyone else’s talents or abilities and it doesn’t allow anyone to “get on my nerves”.

When she told me that, it put a lot of things in perspective for me. It told me a lot about how I treat others and how I build relationships that I’d never really realized before. I saw the way I operated one way when in actuality, it could quite possibly be perceived another way by others. Maybe I told myself that it was okay to be that way, and maybe I just adapted and had been that way for so long, it just worked for me at the time. I’m not sure. I just know that everyone should have someone on their side that will really keep it real with them and encourage them to let things go and grow.


Peace and Blessings,

Tamara

www.tamaragrant.blogspot.com

Monday Morning Musing 6/15-19/09 Flashback

I was reading a message board in one of my mother's groups and one of the young ladies remarked that she did not have many female friends. She proceeded to list reasons why she and females did not get along. Some of the reasons included that women caused too much drama, they were always jealous, and they were always negative.

I almost didn't respond to her post, but I couldn't resist. I challenged her to look within and do some soul searching and I also posed the question "Are you like the women that you described since you are female and is that why you have such negative people in your circle?"

I've heard several women speak this way about other women and it brings me to the thought for the week:

How is your attitude working for you?

As humans, we crave companionship. We naturally like the closeness of others. When we make friendships, most of those people in our circles tend to have similar characteristics as ourselves.

In the above example, I noted that she is attracting negative people because of the negative energy that she emits. Why would someone positive and optimistic want to spend their time around someone who is always complaining or can never find the bright side to a situation?

I also noted that sometimes, we all have that negative or shady character come into our lives. But how many of us recognize it and rectify the situation?

Your life experiences shape who you are. They define and mold how we approach relationships. Your experiences form your beliefs which in turn form dictate your thoughts and feelings. If you are used to being hurt, your first response may be to act defensively. Likewise, if you have never really encountered any hurt or disappointment, you may be more prone to act more friendly and be more willing to form friendships more freely.

I believe that the young lady in question had been through a lot of hurt and pain. Some of which was not in her control. Some of which was probably more in her control than she cared to realize. She pretended to be content with the fact that she did not have many friends. In actuality, I believe that she wants closer relationships with others, but is not sure how to trust and most importantly, doesn't recognize the things in her own personality that attract negativity from others.

I told her that I have strong friendships with women who are less my friends and more like sisters to me, so I could validate that not all women are full of drama or jealousy. Then and again, I'm not the type of person that puts up with people's crap nor do I think twice about letting someone who I thought was a friend go because they are not right for me or because of their attitudes. It doesn't mean that I haven't had my share of women who were jealous or who were negative, it just meant that I recognized it and made sure that I reassessed myself and the type of people who surrounded me.

I challenge you to think for the week:
Which of my personal characteristics attracts negativity from others?

Which of my personal characteristics attracts positivity from others?

Do I tend to have tumultous relationships with others? (ie are you always arguing with or falling out with friends?)

Is it easier for me to point out the positive or the negative aspects of others or in a situation?

Name 3 positive characteristics you possess. When you exhibit those characteristics, do things tend to work out for you?

Name 3 negative characteristics you possess. When you exhibit those characteristics, do things tend to work out for you?

Think about some changes in the near future you would like to make in some of those negative characteristics.

This is your challenge for the week. Think about how your attitude is working for you, or for that matter how your attitude is causing problems in your ability to form strong relationships with others. Recgonizing those things are not easy and take a lot of self- reflection. It also takes the maturity to really be introspective and be willing to take a close look at those things about yourself that may need to change!


Peace and Blassings,

Tamara
www.tamaragrant.blogspot.com

Monday Morning Musings- 6/1-5/09 Action!

I read a billboard that said “A thought with no action is just a thought.”

I bet everyone comes up with a million ideas all of the time. The idea is nothing unless you make it a goal, plan the steps, and put it into action. Your goals have to be realistic and your plan has to involve steps that you can actually accomplish. The follow through is the most important part. There is no need to dream up the ideas, if you aren’t going to make it happen. I had a pastor say once that there is no need to pray on getting a job when you haven’t put in the applications. It’s not going to happen like that. There was no action. Without the work, how is your idea ever going to come to light?

Are you the type that is up for action or just dreaming up ideas?

"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there."
- Will Rogers

Peace and Blessings,

Tamara

Monday Musing 5/18-22/09 Fear

Fear. We all experience it from time to time. I’ve heard that it’s a tool of the devil. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I know that for me, fear is what compels me to move forward.

I refuse to live life wondering “what if”. I’m more afraid not to try than of failure if I do try. I couldn’t live with wondering about what would have happened if I had done what I wanted to do. So for me, the fear of living with regret pushes me to try.

I know some people don’t see it, but I’m actually a pretty shy person. I’m more comfortable in small settings and definitely with people that I know. I’m terrified of speaking in front of people, but with a budding career as an author, there is no way to avoid it.

I don’t want to ever think of the what ifs in life. That’s one of my greatest fears.

What are your greatest fears?

Do you let your fears control you or do you let it encourage you to fight through them?

When have you allowed fear to hold you back?

Peace and Blessings,

Tamara